Cabaret Interview Caro Meets Music Interview Musicals & Opera Interview

Christeene: The Christeene Machine

By Caro Moses | Published on Thursday 3 July 2014

‘The Christeene Machine’ offers a “gender-blending booty-pounding perversion of punk dragged through a musical theatre gutter” courtesy of its star, Christeene, described by the internet as a “drag terrorist” and by the press release as “a human pissoir of foul hilarity and raw unabashed sexuality”. Wow.

I must confess to feeling ever so slightly scared – all that talk of dragging through gutters – but I girded my loins and sent over a mixed bag of questions. Here is what I got back: Christeene, unedited.

CM: Can you tell us what to expect from your show?
C: Don’t cum expectin nuthing. Juz brang everything u friggin got.

CM: For those unfamiliar with your performances – why does it have an 18+ rating?
C: U know I reallly dunno, cuz back in Austin therrr were sum wonderful adult figures who brought derr lil kids to da show once. I dunno how dem lil kids are doin now mind u, butt im sure dey have a lot to talk about wit derr friendz at schoooool.

CM: Is there any political element to the show?
C: Every fuggin thing iz political now. Iz in da water. U cant hide no more. U gotta scream on it.

CM: How are your shows received? I can imagine some would consider them a bit controversial?
C: Hell, I dunno bout all dat. Butt I do find sum uh tha most amayyyzin smilin happy peeple out in da crowd after da stank flies. Diz is a gatherin. Diz show. Diz iz all peeple cummin frum all corners to hide in da woods an play. Iz mysterious an iz a lil dangerous, butt iz mostly majiiikal if u let ur pony out.

CM: Where are you from, and how did you get into performing? 
C: I dunno wherr im frum. People say one day I juz happened…like da chickenz in my backyard or da bird in my mouth. I find da need to feed to share tooo tear my self apart for peeeple. I feel peeeples songs in dark places.

CM: Who or what inspires you?
C: A fugggin room dat aint afraid to dance. Dat aint afraid to throw hands around and scream whether they be scared shitless or juz pootin wit joy.

CM: What kind of music do you like to listen to?
C: Da birds in da trees an I like to hear peeple who got real fucked up ways uh laughin…I luv to hear dat so so much.

CM: A Google search throws up the term “drag terrorist” for you – do you like that term?
C: Iz uh term. Terms r like cement an dey fuggin still to ur feet an den u find urself in a river wit dat cement on ur feet an u fuggin drown. I like too let dat shit breeze in an breeze da fuck out. I keep deez windows open.

CM: You have a very interesting look. How do you choose your clothes?
C: I make my clothes!! I oh so luv to craft da wonderful dat we wear. Me an my Boyz. We alll sit around someplace an we dig an cut an sew an get so excited when we find our lil miracle too wear dat wuz hiding in our minds.

CM: Have you visited London before? Are you enjoying your time here?
C: London came into my life laz summer an i fell da fuck in LUV. I tink da people here r hungry in a fuggin strong waaay. I like the amayzin faces dat have cum from diz citaaay. Im stanked to add to dat mess an share my wurk with sum fine ass peeeple. I luvin diz thyme herrrr. x

CM: After your run at Soho, you are heading up to the Edinburgh Fringe. What made you decide to go the Festival? Have you been to it before?
C: When I look down uh hole an I hear madness an peeple screamin too cum on in an join i fugggin join. Daz whut Edinburgh feelz like. Tooo toooooo many people sharing sum wild shit an diz nay nay wants tooo share toooo. I aint never been, but i sure ass shit have heard sum stories haaaaay.

CM: Where are you headed after Edinburgh?
C: We droppin in on Holland at da Norderzon Festival den we finally gunna drag dick back home toooo Austin Texas Haaaaaaay!

‘Christine: The Christeene Machine’ is on at Soho Theatre until 5 Jul before heading up to the Edinburgh Fringe at the end of the month. See this page here for more details and tickets.

LINKS: www.sohotheatre.com | christeenemusic.com | twitter.com/fixmydick